Between the Lines of Fear and Blame
by Lifeinthe80s
Summary: No three words are harder to accept than those of 'Has passed away.' Those three words are now about to change all the things that Gene has ever known, as he discovers some shocking revelations while he's away in Manchester.
1. Too Little Time

**Hello everyone, this is a fanfiction that I thought of after reading 'A Scarlet Letter' by Eleantris, so if you haven't read that I'd definitely recommend it! This fic isn't intended to be a long one, I'm thinking five possibly six chapters, it's quite angsty but there will be Galex! I hope you enjoy!**

1. Too Little Time.

It was a usual cold winter's day in 1981, and this day seemed like any other for the team. They were all grouchy as they had been up half the night working on a case about three drug dealers, and they were still none the wiser as to who was supplying the drugs. CID had pulled in three men who were known to be local dealers, Gene tried to use violence against them which just made things worse as Evan White had got himself involved and released them without charge. This led to one of Gene and Alex's famous stand off's where they would fight and argue with one another, battling it out until eventually one of them would give up and walk away, this time it was Gene who backed down. He couldn't be doing with Alex's petty behaviour, especially after he had no sleep whatsoever. He decided to take himself to his office and just sit there in peace, warning all members of the team that if they dared to enter there would be trouble. Alex sat herself at her desk, glancing at Gene through the window. She had finally come to terms with living in 1981, she believed she was there for a reason but she didn't know what that reason was, she thought that it was to save her parents but she was wrong about that. So she decided that she'd stop acting like a 'fruitcake' as much as she could and just focus on her job, but that was hard when she felt like she was developing unprofessional feelings for her DCI.

Gene was sat in his office, just thinking to himself, thinking about Alex. She was a bloody infuriating woman, but she was a good member of the team. She really knew how to get his blood boiling, this was his department and he wasn't going to let some posh mouthy tart try and take over and change his ways. He stood and poured himself a scotch, glaring at Alex who was looking from her desk at him. Alex put her head down, breaking the eye contact as Gene slammed the glass on the desk, there was no reasoning with him when he was in this mood. Gene was about to shout at Shazz to make him a coffee and bring some Garibaldi biscuits in for him when his phone let out a sharp ring.

'Hunt.' He spoke in a gruff voice.

'Gene it's me, Louise.' She sounded different to Gene, usually when she rang she would be snidey and snappy with him, there was something unusual about her voice this time. It was fainter than the last time they had spoke, almost broken.

'What do you bloody want?' He didn't mean to snap, but he was in a foul mood after his argument with Alex and talking to his ex-wife wasn't going to make things any better.

'Gene, it's about Jess.' She gulped; she didn't want Gene to find out over the phone, it was the worst way to find out such devastating news, she should be there with him; face to face.

'What? She want some money? Put her on to me, you know I'll do anything for my little girl.' Gene looked around CID hoping that no-one had overheard what he had just said, he didn't want anyone on the team to hear him speaking about his daughter, they all knew he had a daughter - all except Alex that was, but this was something he liked to keep private, he didn't like to talk about life with Louise; and he very rarely spoke of Jess.

'I can't Gene- she-' Gene heard a small whimper come through the other end of the phone.

'Louise, what is it?' He insisted. Gene and Louise hadn't spoken in months, now he was receiving a phone call from her out of the blue. Gene began to panic, the tone of Louise's voice told him that something was very wrong.

'Jess passed away, late last night.' Louise sobbed in a high pitched tone down the phone. 'We're unsure of the cause of death at this moment but we believe it was something to do with the medication she was taking.' Louise paused and took a deep breath. 'The funeral will be held in eight days, you're welcome to come over to Manchester and spend a few night's here if you wish.' There was a long silence as Gene took in all that was said, his baby girl had died, how? She was only fourteen that was barely a life, she hadn't lived, not really. Fourteen years was such a short amount of time and to be taken so suddenly too.

'Thanks Louise, I'll be over later tonight.' Gene placed the phone down gently, taking in everything that Louise had said, he wanted answers.

Jess had died so suddenly, she was so young, he desperately wanted to know the real cause of her death but he couldn't ask Louise over the phone, he'd needed to have a long conversation with her up in Manchester. Gene began to feel angry, angry at Louise for not taking proper care of her, angry at himself for not being there for her and even more angry that he couldn't be with her in her final moments. He picked up his glass of scotch and hurtled it towards the office door, causing the glass to shatter in to tiny pieces and the liquid to spill over the floor. Everyone in CID turned around and looked at him in alarm, they knew he was in a terrible mood, but him and Alex always argued, they were like an old married couple. Gene wouldn't lash out because of Alex, yes she was irritating but she couldn't cause that sort of reaction in Gene. Something else must have happened.

Alex decided to completely ignore what Gene had said previously and walked right into his office, carefully sweeping up the shattered glass on the floor and pulling the blinds down as she entered. She'd never seen this side to Gene before, he didn't seem angry as such, but sad, she could see an inexplicable sadness within him. She stood in front of him and handed him another glass of scotch, which was taken without a word by Gene. He didn't shout at her or tell her to get out, Gene had completely lost all the fight in him in a matter of minutes. They stood face to face, just looking at each other hopelessly. Alex had no idea what had caused Gene to throw the glass but she was determined to find out and offer him help.

'Do you want to talk?' Alex spoke quietly, and Gene knew that even if he didn't Alex would make him anyway.

'It's my daughter, Jess.' He looked at Alex as she looked at him in astonishment, she didn't know he had a daughter. It hurt her that he hadn't mentioned Jess to her, and she couldn't understand why. She thought they were close friends but she realised that she barely knew anything about him.

'You- you have a daughter?' Alex had always spoken of Molly, why hadn't Gene brought Jess up in conversation?

'Yes. I should have told yer Bolls, but it don't matter now...not anymore.' Gene downed his scotch in one and then looked at Alex, who was studying him carefully.

'Of course it matters, she's your little girl.' Alex smiled giving Gene a gentle squeeze on the arm, unaware of the news that Gene had just received.

'You don't understand Alex.' He bowed his head, not wanting to look weak in front of her.

'Then make me understand, talk to me.' She looked deep into his eyes, waiting for an answer.

'Jess- I just got a phone call from my ex missus.' Gene couldn't bring himself to say the words, but he needed to tell someone, he couldn't get by on his own. 'Jess- Jess passed away late last night.' He diverted his eyes away from Alex's when he felt tears building up, he couldn't let her see him cry, he was the Manc lion.

Alex flung her arms around Gene and embraced him, it felt awkward as Gene didn't return the hug, Alex understood why though, he didn't want to seem weak and the Gene Genie doesn't do hugs. 'It will be okay, I'll help you get through it.' She whispered in his ear, the sadness in his eyes broke her heart.

Gene pulled himself away and looked at Alex, who also had clouds of tears forming in her eyes 'You will?' He starred into her hazel orbs, almost pleading for her to say yes. He needed Alex more than ever.

'Of course I will Gene, you've always been there for me, and now it's my turn.' She cupped his cheek gently and to her surprise Gene took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

'Come to Manchester with me, Alex? I can't go on my own; I can't face it by myself.' He looked away again, Alex knew that he was hurting but he was too afraid to show it.

'Okay, I'm not going to let you do this on your own Gene, I'm here for you all the way.' Alex smiled still fighting back the tears.

'Yer might want to get some clothes packed; we're going to be up there for a while. We'll head off in about an hour to get up there tonight.' Gene's head was all over the place at the moment and he didn't want to face Louise after the way he had left her all those years ago, but it was the right thing to do. Alex nodded and headed out, making her way home to pack her things, the next week was going to be a roller-coaster of emotions, she could see it already. She had to be strong for Gene, he had chosen to trust her in a dark moment of his life, she wasn't going to let him down. He was no longer her rock, or her constant but she was his. Maybe this was her way home.

**Thank you to Jennilovesashes for going through and editing this for me, it helped a lot!**

**Please let me know what you think. I'm not 100% sure about this fic so I need some opinions before I go on and continue. If you have any tips or friendly criticism then please leave a review or pm me! **

**This will continue to be updated after I have completed my other fic 'Always On My Mind.'**


	2. The Fire in your Heart is Out

**Thank you all for your kind reviews of chapter one, I will try and get an update up every week from now on; I hope you enjoy chapter two!**

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Fire in your Heart is out.

Alex heard the Quattro come screeching to a holt outside her flat, she was dreading the car journey there; what would she say to gene? How could she help him? She didn't want to upset him more than he already was; she could see the sorrow in his eyes, hear the hurt in his voice. She'd never seen Gene in this state; this could really break him, she had to stand by him, offer him a shoulder to cry on; she had to be strong, for his sake. Alex made her way to Gene in the Quattro, as soon as she entered the car she could sense the uneasy atmosphere; Gene didn't look at her, he didn't say a word. One thing was for sure; it was going to be a long and painful journey.

They'd been driving for half an hour or so, not a word spoken but a couple of smiles shared on Alex's side. Gene was damaged by this; the revelation had destroyed him, he couldn't bring himself to speak. He was almost emotionless, understandably. Alex knew what it felt like to lose a child; to know what it felt like knowing you'd never see their face again. She knew how much it hurt knowing that you'd never see them grow up; never know what sort of person they'd turn out to be. Loosing Molly had hurt Alex in so many ways; although Molly wasn't dead, Alex had lost her; she hadn't seen her for a year. Alex was stuck in 1981 while her daughter lived in 2008, just thinking that she'd never wake up; never see her daughters face again drove Alex to tears, she couldn't bare to imagine how Gene must be feeling; knowing for a fact that he'd never see Jess again. Alex held back the tears that threatened to fall at any time; she noticed Gene had been watching her, he must have realised that something was playing on her mind.

'I blame myself y'know.' He said eventually, deciding it was time to open up; time to be honest about how he was feeling. 'It's my fault Jess is dead, if I had been there-'He broke off and took a deep breath. Alex placed her hand on top of his, leaving it there as she began to speak.

'Don't say that Gene, you could never have known what was going to happen.' A hard lump formed in her throat and she could feel the tears arising once more.

'You don't understand Alex, how could you possibly understand?' He looked her in the eye, he felt it was time to talk about everything that had happened in the past; he could trust Alex, she wouldn't judge him. 'I was going ter leave Louise before she dropped the bombshell that she was pregnant, I couldn't trust her; I didn't love her. The two of us were having a blazing row about how I put my job before her; that's when she blurted it out, she was carrying my baby.' He looked up to check that he hadn't said something wrong; Alex smiled at him warmly; indicating for him to continue. 'I'd always wanted a kid, I was so pleased, so excited that I had made something of my life; being a father was what I had always dreamt of…anyway, the day finally came and the first time that I held Jess In my arms I felt like the proudest man in the world; knowing that I wasn't a waste of space and I had actually achieved something. That day I swore to myself; and Jess, that I'd never let anything hurt her, not one little thing, I promised that I'd always be there for her; care for her and love her no matter what; but I let her down.' Gene wiped that stray tear from his eye which didn't go unnoticed by Alex.

'Gene you can't blame yourself, you cared for her and looked after her as much as you could. You loved her and I'm sure she knew that, she was lucky to have such a kind and caring dad like you.' She gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

'I walked out on her when she was six years old, Alex. She couldn't understand why her daddy left, she used to ask me one the phone _when are you coming back_ and did I leave because she was naughty and I didn't love her anymore; every time she asked it, it broke my heart. I couldn't tell her I didn't love her mummy anymore so I decided to come move to London, distance myself a little; I hated going round there and seeing her getting closer and closer to Jeremy; Louise's new fella. She loved him more than she loved me; she thought of him as a dad, not me, and who could blame her?' A single tear trickled down Gene's cheek, he'd never told anyone about this before; and he was finding it easier than he thought; Alex was so understanding. 'I used to go round there twice a year, spend two weeks up there with my daughter; that's four weeks a year. I should have made more time for her, especially as she got older. I'd throw money at her all the time, hoping that she wouldn't hate me as much if I bought her nice things; I was buying her affection.' He bowed his head and shut his eyes tight for a brief moment before fixing his eyes on the road once more.

'She didn't hate you Gene, you were her dad. I'm sure that as she got older she understood the reasons as to why you didn't visit as much.' Her throat ached and her eyes were full of tears, Gene was drowning in sorrow and she didn't know what to say to make him feel better. She understood what he was going through; maybe she should tell him a little bit about Molly.

'She grew up thinking that her dad didn't love her, and she couldn't comprehend why. I left her at such an early age; she grew up looking to Jeremy as a father figure. I barely knew my own daughter, I couldn't tell yer what her favourite subject was, or what her hobbies were…I couldn't tell yer what she wanted to be when she grew up; because I never stuck around long enough to find out, to get to know her. Her mam was right; I put my job first when all along I should have been putting Jess first.' He began fiddling around with his wallet; searching for something, he pulled out a small photograph of a little girl and handed it to Alex. 'That's Jess, that's my little girl.'

Alex studied the picture carefully, a little girl in her blue and white school uniform. Mousey blond, curly hair tied in a neat pony tail, two piercing blue eyes with extremely long eyelashes; just like her dads, the girl looked about ten in the picture. She looked a lot like Gene, the more Alex analysed the picture the more she could see how sad the little girl was; she may have been smiling but she could see the misery in her eyes. 'She's beautiful, Gene.' She finally replied after starring at the picture for a good minute or two, Gene smiled half-heartedly.

'The last time I saw my little girl was two years ago, she was twelve and I couldn't believe how fast she had grown up, she had changed so much; she had a boyfriend which I wasn't too happy about.' He forced a laugh as Alex smiled encouragingly. 'She acted different though, dressed different too. Usually she'd wear shorts and football t-shirt, she loved ter play football. Last time I saw her, she was dressed in a baggy jumper and baggy jeans and she seemed quitter, and Jess certainly wasn't a quiet girl. That could have been because she was getting older and realising what useless father I was but I swear there was something more to it.' He took the photograph back from Alex and looked at it helplessly. 'Last time I was there she had asked to come live with me; would you believe it? After the way I had treated her she wanted to live with me. She begged her mam but Louise was having none of it, as expected. She said she didn't like living with her and Jeremy, said Jeremy wasn't her dad, and never would be.' Alex saw the slight smile form on Gene's face as he thought back to the day. 'Resulted in me and Lou having another argument, where she told me that I wasn't allowed to see Jess anymore; not until she was sixteen, at least. That's why I didn't go visit her for two years, if I had known then that she only had two years ter live then I would have been over there every week; making sure she was happy, she died thinking her dad didn't care about, didn't want to see her no longer. I could understand if she hated me.'

'That's not your fault Gene; Louise stopped you from seeing her; your own daughter, that's wrong. If anyone should feel guilty it's her not you' She glanced up at him, his expression darkened with guilt and shame.

'I could have fought, tried harder; I should have stood up and said no. Told Louise that she was my daughter and that I would see her; without her permission. It was my job to fight but I didn't; I let her down and I have to live with that regret all my life. Knowing that I threw mine and my daughters relationship away; knowing I can never put things right because she's gone; she's dead. I just want to see her one more time; tell her that I'm sorry and that I care about her more than she'll ever know, explain everything to her like I have to you. I hope that when she died she knew how much I loved her, I hope she knew that I thought about her every day; and I will continue to think about her every day.' He turned to see Alex who had been drawn to tears, and quite frankly he could easily burst into tears any minute.

'I know what it's like to lose a daughter, Gene. It hurts so much, and you can't help but think what might have happened if you had done things differently. You can't live your life in guilt; you can't blame yourself for the death of your daughter. Just know that she is in a better place now, no-one can hurt her there, and she'd probably be looking down on you right now; feeling proud to have had a dad like you.' Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she spoke, she noticed a couple of tears strolling down Gene's cheek too, he couldn't hold it any longer. He needed to cry; he couldn't bottle it all up no matter how weak he thought he may look. He had just opened up to Alex like never before, trusted her with his story; relied on her not to judge him and hate him. It was a special moment that the two of them had just shared, listening to one another, helping each other; they were both completely honest with one another.

It had been one hell of an emotional journey, Alex had never expected Gene to open up like that; but she was so glad that he had. They were closer than ever before, this could only make the two of them stronger; strengthen their relationship. From now on there would be no secrets between the two of them; they would be honest with each other about everything because what they had shared in the car was special, Alex couldn't explain why; but she knew that she needed Gene and he needed her. As the two of them approached Louise's house none of them said a word; they didn't need to…they knew that they were both thinking the same thing.

'_We'll get through it together.'_

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**I hope this was okay? I know there's a load of a dialogue involved in this chapter but I just thought it would be good to get a background story on Jess and Gene's relationship. As I said before I will try to update once a week but I am just starting my A-levels so I can't promise anything, but please stick with the story!**

**Please leave me a review, as I say after every chapter; friendly criticism is always appreciated too!**

**-Lifeinthe80s xxx**


	3. Drenched in my Pain

**Thank you to everyone has reviewed, followed and favourite so far, here's chapter three for you all!**

**Enjoy!**

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Drenched in My Pain

As Gene and Alex approached the scarlet door of the Hunt family, they looked at each other once more before knocking loudly to make the Hunt's aware that they had arrived. Gene's stomach was in knots, he felt physically sick being back there; all the memories that it held, some good but mainly bad. Seeing the scarlet door blocking the entrance to the house that he once lived in; he didn't know what he was going to say to Louise, he dreaded seeing her after all this time. After a couple of more knocks, the door opened ajar, and there in front of them appeared Mrs Hunt; she was far from what Alex had expected, Alex wasn't sure of what she expected but it certainly wasn't this. Mrs Hunt was a fairly small woman heavily made up; with a stern expression, her hair was in blonde tight ringlets and she had dark hazel eyes. She was dressed in a burgundy dress and heavy white cardigan with a gold belt which hugged her figure tightly; she was very slim; and appeared to be quite sad; understandably.

'Louise.' Gene nodded, breaking the awkward silence that lingered for a couple of minutes. Louise glared at Alex coldly making Alex feel even more uncomfortable; not only was she in a house full of people mourning over a little girl who she didn't know but to make it worse Louise appeared to not like her very much.

'This your new bird then? Dropped your standards a bit.' She looked Alex up and down, then back at Gene who just shook his head as to say '_not here, not now.'_

'This is my DI, a very good friend of mine too.' He smiled at Alex, then at Louise and headed for the living room where Jeremy was also sitting. Alex and Louise followed closely behind, there were photos of Jess all around the house; she was a very pretty little girl. Gene looked around the room, everything there reminded him of Jess; the photographs, the old drawings from when she was younger and the pink cardigan that had been flung carelessly over the sofa. It felt strange in the house, without Jess; all her belongings were still there as though she had just popped out; like she would return home anytime.

'So, how did it happen?' Gene hated to ask, but he had to find out what really happened to his daughter; and sooner rather than later. Louise and Jeremy shared a look, as though they were hiding something; what could they possibly be hiding in a situation like this? The look didn't go unnoticed by either Alex or Gene, and they too shared a questioning look.

'Gene, I think me, you and Jeremy should talk about this in private.' She looked at Alex; who knew when she wasn't wanted around. Gene needed her there but Louise was making it hard for her to want to stay, glaring at her every time she uttered a word.

'Alex can stay, don't worry I've told her everything, all about our past. Please Louise, I just want to know what happened to my little girl; I know on the phone yer said something about her medication. What was the medication for?' He didn't know of any medication that she had been prescribed, he knew she wasn't allergic to anything and was sure that she was in perfect health so he couldn't understand why she'd needed the drugs in the first place.

'I know what I said on the phone Gene.' She looked at him sympathetically then bowed her head. 'It wasn't her medication, exactly. It was Jeremy's; he takes sedative pills as he has trouble sleeping; the doctors prescribed them three months ago.' She paused and looked over at Alex who was analysing every word she said. 'We didn't notice Jessica slip them pills into her bedroom that night, and it would seem that she overdosed on them.' Tears began to roll down Louise's cheeks as Jeremy put a comforting arm around her. 'The police say it was suicide.' She burst into a loud sob, as Alex turned to Gene whose face had drained of colour; she reached out to him and gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. Alex couldn't believe what she had just heard; a fourteen year old girl had committed suicide, what on earth could have been so bad in her life for her to do that. It must have been hard for Gene, knowing his daughter took her life; purposely.

'Why - why did she do it?' Gene questioned louder than he meant to, he couldn't bare to think of what must have been running through her mind as she placed the pills in her mouth. Why would she kill herself? As far as Gene was aware, Jess had a great life here in Manchester; surrounded by family who cared about her, plenty of friends at school, she even had a boyfriend…what could have caused her to think that there was no other way out of the situation than to take her own life, end it like that, stop the pain once and for all.

'We don't know. Why would we? We thought that she loved life.' Jeremy butted in, Alex looked at him inquisitively. There was something about him that she didn't like; he seemed as though he was controlling over Louise; hiding something from Gene, something about Jess.

'Louise, do you have any idea?' Alex said calmly, hoping that this time Jeremy didn't feel the need to answer for her.

'We just said no!' Jeremy bellowed at her, causing Gene to spot that something was going on; he looked at Alex and knew that she must have spotted it too.

'Alex, can we have a word in private?' Gene led Alex into the hallway, shutting the door tightly behind them; not wanting Jeremy or Louise to hear what was going to be said. 'I think they're hiding something, Alex. Something doesn't seem right.'

'I know, I think whatever it is; Louise wants to tell us but Jeremy is stopping her.' She whispered 'They know something that may have led to her death but they're not going to tell us.' It was obvious to Alex that Jeremy was up to something, after all those years of studying psychology it was hard for Alex not to spot when someone was acting strange; she often found herself analysing what people said and did, a lot more than she ever intended to.

'I have to find out why my daughter took her life, and I'm going to find out; I won't sleep until I do.' There was a hint of determination in his voice; probably caused by guilt or something of the sort. 'We're detectives; I'm sure that we can do some searching and find out what happened. If you're willing to help, your psychiatry skills could be a good.' Alex could see the look in his eye that told her that he wasn't going to give up; she really wanted to correct him and say 'psychology' but instead reluctantly agreed to help. She knew that if she was in his situation he'd do the same for her.

'Maybe we should start by talking to her boyfriend.' Alex suggested; if anyone knew anything about what was going on in her life it would be him. After doing some searching they found that Jess' boyfriend was named Tyler, and found a phone number for him. Tyler agreed to meet the two of them in the park, knowing that Gene was Jess' dad but not knowing that he was in fact a detective.

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Tyler was fairly tall with dark brown hair, green eyes and charming smile. He and Jess had been dating two years and he knew almost everything about her, the two of them had met in detention and hit it off right away. Gene had never liked the thought of Jess having a boyfriend but it was clear to him that Tyler made her happy; that was all that mattered.

'Do you know of any reason why Jess may have wanted to take her life, Tyler?' Alex asked carefully, she didn't want to upset either of the men she was sat with; and she certainly didn't want to seem as though she was insinuating anything.

'She has always been a bit on edge, ever since we met; y'know jumps at the slightest sound and flinches at almost anything.' He glanced up at Gene who seemed to be shocked by what he had said. 'But recently, she's been more bothered about covering up; she hasn't been coming out as much, says that she feels ill to everyone, everyone but me that is. She's told me the truth, I know what happened, I wanted to help her but she never gave me a name.'

'Wait, what are we talking about?' Alex asked with slight confusion, it sounded as though he was talking about her being beaten up or hurt; something along those lines, why else would she cover up?

'Some guy has been abusing for the past two years, but recently it's gotten worse. She used to come up to me with faint bruises on her arms but the beatings have become more frequent and the bruises have gotten worse, to the point where she's been too embarrassed to come out.' Tyler and Alex both noticed Gene's face fill with rage when he heard what had happened.

'If you have any idea as to who did that to my daughter, you tell me!' He was full of rage, knowing that some man had abused his daughter and possibly driven her to kill herself; he wanted to kill the person who did it, but surely Louise and Jeremy couldn't be hiding this.

'She told me that she kept a diary under her bed, told me she was going to show you next time you visited Mr Hunt, but you never came back.' Gene felt emotionally drained, he thought that Jess was safe here, that she liked living here and yet again he got the feeling that he let her down. She was going to tell him; to turn to him for help and he never came back for her, so the only way out was to commit suicide; he was to blame for this. Alex and Gene thanked Tyler for his time and headed back to the house to find the diary; they wasn't sure of exactly what they were looking for; Tyler had never seen the diary so couldn't give a description.

Gene's eyes began to well up as he entered Jess' room, everything remained the way she left it when she died; nothing had been moved. On the bedside table stood a picture of Gene and Jess, taken when Jess was four, she must have desperately wanted to go to London and live with him; leave her wrecked life behind just like he had done. Alex began searching under the bed; pulling out a couple of teddies, one which she must have brought for Gene but never given to him; it had 'No1 Dad' written on the teddies t-shirt. Alex slowly handed it to Gene; not knowing what his reaction would be. He took it from her gently, and held it close to him; hugging it tightly, taking in the scent of perfume that lingered on the bear. He held the tears back once more; they had to find the person that drove his daughter to this; he couldn't let her down, again.

'There's nothing else under here.' Came Alex's voice from under the bed, all that lied there were a couple of old magazines and a few teddy bears.

'Try any lose floorboards.' Gene suggested helpfully, if they did find the diary he would never be able to bring himself to read it. He didn't want to read about how some disgusting man had treated his daughter, Alex would have to read it; he hoped that she'd understand.

'I've got it!' She shouted in disbelief, it was a purple diary with 'Jessica' written in silver; and covered in dust. Alex blew the dust away and took a deep breath before opening it. She couldn't prepare herself for what she was about to read. Alex began to read the first entry related to the abuser.

_December 1979,_

_One minute we were joking around, laughing; everything was okay, _

_Then I saw the anger on his face; just a flash of anger told me something bad was going to happen._

_He kicked me, not once but three times, shouting at me; swearing at me,_

_He hit my face and told me that it was my fault, I brought it on myself._

_Mum tried to step in and pull me to my feet; but he yelled at her to stay back; warning her, almost._

_I'm going to tell my dad when he comes round tomorrow, show him the bruises,_

_He'll help me; he'll know what to do._

Alex gulped hard after finishing the text; a couple of tears fell down her pale cheek, it still gave no indication as to who had done it, but she must have trusted them because she said at the beginning that everything was okay; they were laughing. Whoever this person was; Jess had never known that they could be violent. The diary entry was dated December 1979, and there were a number more entries about the same man. The abusive behaviour had gone on for two years and no-one had known; this man had to be arrested. Alex and Gene had gathered enough information to start a case but Alex didn't want to rush things; it would have to wait until after the funeral. Alex left Gene in the bedroom to have some time to himself, time to think over things; he'd discovered a lot of shocking things today, he needed to get his head in the right place. Alex made her way down the stairs where Jeremy cornered her, grabbing her wrist roughly and pushed her against the wall.

'I'd stop sticking your nose in business which doesn't concern you.' His breath tickled her face as he threatened her.

'It was you.' Alex squared up to him. 'You're the one who abused Jessica.' Jeremy pushed her hard against the wall again causing her to squirm in pain.

'I'd keep your mouth shut if I was you.' He spat quietly, not wanting Gene, who was just upstairs, to hear the conversation they were having.

'You don't scare me.' She pulled her wrist from his grasp and walked away. What she couldn't understand was why Louise hadn't said anything, tried to stop it. That's when it dawned on her; how controlling he had seemed previously, the way Louise looked at him for him to speak; he'd been hitting her too. In the end Jess felt trapped like she couldn't get away so suicide was the only option. Alex ran back upstairs to tell Gene, only to find him sat alone, in tears. She sat herself beside him and embraced him as he sobbed, she didn't say a word, she just hugged him tightly not wanting to let him go; making him aware that she was there for him; no matter what.

'I can't do this Alex, it's too much. Now the person who abused my daughter is going ter get away with it.' He dried his eyes and looked up at Alex.

'I know who it was Gene. It was Jeremy, he's abused Louise too. That's why she won't talk to us properly.' Gene looked at her in complete awe, thinking about it; it sounded right. She had said that she didn't want to live there anymore, said that Jeremy wasn't her dad never would be; Alex was right. Jeremy was going to pay for this, for driving Jess to her death; for taking his daughter away from him.

Gene charged down the stairs, pushing anything and everything that got in his way over. He swung open all the doors, searching for Jeremy; who was nowhere to be seen. He noticed Louise sitting alone in the corner of the kitchen sobbing into Jessica's pink scarf.

'He's gone Gene. He's gone on the run. He's going to get away with everything' Gene was fuming, that man had killed his daughter, and nothing could be done about it, Jess deserved justice to be done but it was going to be too hard to find him and he had to focus on getting the funeral sorted right now. The funeral was his main priority, then he'd focus on catching Jeremy; Jess deserved the best send-off possible. 'Gene, you have to find him; don't let him get away with it!' She pleaded as Gene drew her into a hug. Alex watched the heart breaking scene from afar; feeling like an intruder on something that should only be shared between the two of them. She couldn't imagine how they must be feeling right now; all she knew was that she had to be there for them both; not just Gene. She and Louise would have to put all negative feelings behind them; for Gene's sake if anything.

For now, Jeremy would have to be left to run, Gene needed to be there for Louise right now and Alex was too busy helping him through the pain and hurt. Alex had been a great help to him today, it had been one of the worst, most stressful days he had ever experienced and Alex had been by his side through it all, there was no denying it; she was his best friend. He began to realise that he needed Alex a lot more than he ever thought, deep down he loved her; he really did, but she couldn't know that, not yet.

Eventually, Jeremy would go down for this. Eventually, he would tell Alex his true feelings.

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**Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please review and tell me what you make of it. I know this fic is really angsty and I do apologies for that! This chapter didn't really have a nice theme, but I tried to make it as realistic as I could without going into too much detail about the abuse.**

**Lifenthe80s xxx**


	4. Never Forget What I Lost

**Thank you all for the kind reviews on the last chapter, it means a lot! I do apologise for this update taking just over two weeks but my life is a little hectic at the moment as I've just started A-levels and the work load is huge, but without further ado here is the penultimate chapter!**

**Enjoy!**

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Never Forget what I Lost.

Dinner with Louise and Gene made Alex feel out of place, they shared countless memories of Jess; talking about times when she was young and Gene was still around; discussing embarrassing stories that would make anyone cringe, reminiscing on family holidays; laughing and joking trying to block out the awfulness of the situation. Alex sat quietly listening as they each spoke; not wanting to ruin the moment between the two of them. She knew that they were both hurting; although they were laughing and joking there was still that unspeakable sadness lingering around them, she'd lost Molly and was finally coming to terms with living in 1981; but no matter how much she tried not to think about the life she had left behind, she'd always find herself crying at night; when she was alone in her flat. She didn't doubt that Gene too would act the same; putting on a strong face in front of everyone at work, only to return home and continuously sob until you reach the point in which you can't breathe and you feel like nobody understands the hurt and the pain; bottling it all up until one day it becomes too much to handle and you just break down completely. Nights are the worse, when you're left alone with your thoughts; over thinking everything, blaming yourself. When no one can stop you, or hold you; tell you that everything will be okay eventually. Alex wasn't going to let this happen to Gene; she wasn't going to let him drink the pain away like he had done so many times before; she was going to be there for him when they returned to London, every step of the way. She knew what losing a child so suddenly felt like, she could relate to what Gene was going through, in a way. Molly wasn't dead but Alex hadn't seen or heard from her in over eight months; she didn't say goodbye to her, it was her birthday; they were meant to blow the candles out together but everything had gone so quick. One minute she was trying to talk Layton out of holding her hostage; the next here she was, in 1981. Alex was shaken from her thoughts as Louise got up and began clearing up the dishes; Gene smiled at her from across the table obviously realising that she been far more quiet than usual.

The three of them returned to the sofa; where Louise pulled out a couple of photo albums. Her and Gene sat closely together while she tried to distance herself a little; she was still unsure whether Gene had feelings for Louise or not, she didn't want to get in the way of the two of them. Gene pulled out a dark photo album from the bottom of the pile; it was covered in dust and you could just make out the gold lining around the edges. Gene's face lit up as he opened the album to the first page; Alex couldn't recall seeing him smile so much before. He traced his fingers over a couple of the photographs smiling aimlessly to himself, his mind carelessly wandering back to the day the photos were taken; Alex couldn't quite see the photo but she knew it was one of him and Jess together back when Jess was just a baby.

'See this Bolls' He said as he handed her the photograph that he seemed so happy with 'That's me and my little girl; the day she was born, she was the tiniest thing I'd ever seen, only weighing five pounds seven ounces' He beamed at the picture that had made its way into Alex's hand, she smiled softly at the picture then back at Gene, she sure was tiny; and being in Gene's arms emphasised that. 'That was the first time I held her in my arms' He continued as he took the photograph back; the smile slowly fading from his face 'Louise do yer mind if I keep this, only I don't have none of the day she were born?' Louise just simply nodded as Gene placed the photograph carefully in his jacket; Alex still feeling uncomfortable began flicking through some other photographs; in these, Jess must have been about nine or ten, and Gene didn't seem to be in any of them. She guessed that this must have been taken after Gene had left; just by looking at Jess' face it was clear to her that she was much happier in the company of her dad, she could see the hurt in her eyes, in all the most recent photos. Whereas looking back at photos that had been taken around three years before, Jess seemed a lot more contented; with some sort of warmness in her eyes…the big grin on her face assured Alex immediately that Jess certainly didn't hate Gene; like he had thought she had all those years, but she had loved him, loved him more than anyone else. It was obvious.

Alex looked over at Gene who seemed to be staring at one photo very carefully; studying it, almost. Whatever the picture was of, it had certainly caught his attention and for the worse by the look on Gene's face. He frowned at the picture, eyes narrowly fixed on one certain part; Alex could tell that whatever it was had upset him; he sighed heavily and made his way into the hall, followed closely by Alex.

'What it is?' She asked while attempting to take the photograph from his grasp.

'Look at her, Alex. She's covered in bruises.' His voice quivered as he handed her the photograph; Alex noticed right away; the different shades of blue and purple on her arm; the slight lump on her right eye and the split lip. Gene couldn't bear to look at the recent photographs of her; all of them would bring back her fatal reality; that she was beaten, no emotion in her face at all. He blamed himself for this, and Alex had no idea of how to persuade him otherwise. In all the recent pictures Jess was covered from head to toe in bruises; tears began to fill Gene's eyes as he looked at the unpleasant picture before him, the absent smile, and her impassive eyes. How on earth were they going to find a photograph good enough for the funeral?

Gene returned back to the living room with Louise in order to find a photograph for the funeral, if he came across one more photo of Jess covered in bruises he'd break down into a flood of tears; it was all becoming too much for him to handle. He decided that he'd stay away from the more recent albums and look more at one's from when she was younger; when he hadn't left her. He couldn't help but feel guilty; like he was partly to blame for all that happened while he was away. Alex feeling like a burden to the two of them took herself to bed for an early night, she had got in touch with CID and they were on the lookout for Jeremy. Her head was banging after all the events of today; she couldn't imagine how Louise and Gene must be feeling.

After two hours of rifling through photographs of Jessica; both Louise and Gene had managed to decide on a photograph to use for the funeral tomorrow. It was one taken when Jess was eleven, just before the beatings had started; it was at her eleventh birthday party in fact. Both Louise and Gene were in the photograph too, looking like the proudest people alive; Jess was dressed in a yellow coloured dress and her hair tied in a bun with little ringlets hanging in her face. Gene had decided to call it a night; after all tomorrow's a big day, the day he says goodbye to his daughter. He didn't want to dwell on that now; he'd come to that horrible feeling in the morning

* * *

Gene was writhing in his covers all night, tossing and turning, not being able to get one wink of sleep. He lied in his covers still, for another hour but he couldn't get himself to sleep; every time he closed his eyes he would see Jess' face, hear her voice cursing him, blaming him _it's your fault, you never came back. _Those were the words echoing around his mind as his conscience whispered that he was guilty, he felt as though he was going mad; hearing voices in his head, voices that weren't there. 'Turning into a fruitcake' he thought to himself as he sat up; losing the battle with his mind at once. He couldn't sleep, not with all this playing on his mind; he needed to talk to someone; after ten minutes of wandering around the room meaninglessly he decided that he'd go knock on Alex's bedroom door. His attempt to knock quietly didn't go as planned; and not only did he wake Alex but Louise too; who just smiled at Gene as he stood outside Alex's bedroom, she was pretty sure that there was something going on between the two of them; they definitely weren't just work colleagues as they said they were. No, there was something much more meaningful than that, Gene wouldn't invite anyone up to his old house in Manchester; and he certainly wouldn't open up to a 'work colleague' about his personal life and the way he had left his daughter all those years ago; Louise knew that there was something deeper than that in their relationship; the two of them were either to blind to see it or just in complete denial.

Alex carefully opened her bedroom door; wiping the sleep from her eyes as she proceeded in letting him in. She wasn't sure why Gene had turned up looking hot and flustered at her bedroom door at this time in the morning but she couldn't turn him away, it was clear to her that he had some things that he needed to say. The two of them sat themselves on the end of the bed; Alex was certain that he had spent a long part of the night crying, seeing him like this broke her. She wasn't used to this side of Gene, no one was. She wanted to comfort him, hold him in her arms and promise him that everything would be okay but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was so used to profiling people and knowing what their behaviour said about them, why they acted in the ways that they did, and she knew that if she dug deep enough into why it was that she felt like this, she would uncover some truths about herself that didn't want to acknowledge. Truths that would only affect their professional relationship for the worse.

After a moment's hesitation Gene placed his hand over Alex's, she pulled her hand away hastily as she felt a sharp bolt of electricity run through her, confirming that what she had thought she had felt all along was true, she had become so emotionally involved with Gene and seen him in a different light that she had developed feelings for him, feelings that would only ruin things between them; feelings that must be kept to herself. Gene noticed the sudden change in her as she pulled her hand away, he couldn't understand why. She'd done the same to him many times while being there, it was a way comforting one another and Alex had never acted that way before, almost as though she didn't want to touch him. The two of them sat in an awkward silence as they both looked down at the floor, neither one of them wanting to say a word to the other. Gene stood up sharply and made his way to the door it was apparent that she didn't want him there, he turned back to face Alex before opening the door carefully, her eyes till fixed on the ground in embarrassment of what had just happened.

'Wait.' She spoke in a small voice as he opened the door to leave. 'Don't go.' She looked up at him and smiled lightly; hoping that was enough to persuade him to stay. Gene closed the door carefully and walked back over to Alex who was sitting on the edge of the bed looking up at him. He sat down beside her, as Alex now placed her hand over his, reassuringly.

'I'm to blame for all this mess Alex. If I had stuck around and done my job, of looking after my daughter; we wouldn't be in this awful situation.' He averted his eyes away from hers and looked down at her hand placed over his. 'Jess would still be alive if I hadn't been such a shit dad and left her all those years ago.' His voice began to quiver as he throat ached; a single tear fell down his cheek.

'Don't say that Gene, you're not to blame for any of this. How could you have known what would happen? You're guilty of nothing.' She squeezed his hand gently and smiled lightly, Gene didn't seem to believe anything she was saying. There was no getting through to him; he'd convinced himself that this was by all means, his fault.

'Jess was going to tell me what happened; I wasn't there for her, Alex. I was needed and that time I wasn't there.' Alex sat with his hand held in hers, brushing her thumb of his knuckles soothingly. If words couldn't comfort him then actions were the only way forward, and with that thought in mind, Alex slowly leaned in closer to Gene; taking in the scent of his 'man stink' and kissed him gently on the cheek. Gene couldn't believe what had just happened, the softness of her lips on his cheek, the way she had looked at him before kissing him lightly. Another moment of silence passed as Gene looked at Alex whose eyes were now fixed on the floor, biting her lip nervously.

'Thank you.' He spoke tranquilly, as he smiled at Alex. 'Thank you for not letting me believe all those dreadful thoughts possessing my mind.' He couldn't help but keep replaying that kiss in his mind, but did it mean to her, what it meant to him? They both shared smiles as Gene gradually stood up, tiredness had got the better of him and he needed sleep before facing the event which now lies so closely.

'It's a big day tomorrow.' Alex nodded as she followed Gene to the door. 'Remember what I said, you are _not_ to blame.' After bidding each other good night both Alex and Gene took themselves to bed, they needed as much sleep as they could get after all, tomorrow was going to be a big day for the two of them, one that no one wanted to think about.

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**I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and again I'm really sorry for how long it has taken me to update. I will try and have the last chapter up within two weeks, but I can't promise anything! Please review I always love to hear what you think and constructive criticism is always appreciated! Apologies for any grammar/spelling mistakes, although I have checked through as much as possible.**

**Lifeinthe80s xx **


	5. Dust to Dust

**Thank you all for your support throughout, I'm so sorry about the time it has taken me to get this to you, sixth form is hard work!**

**Here is the final chapter, enjoy!**

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Dust to Dust

The sun beamed through the blinds, as Gene lie wide awake. His head pounding, his heart racing; nothing could prepare him for what lies ahead today. The funeral of his daughter, something he'd never imagined himself attending; he thought that he'd see her grow up, get married and have children, he didn't expect to see her being lowered six feet into the ground. Children aren't supposed to die before their parents, it's not right. He had thought about today ever since he discovered the devastating news, and had planned exactly what he was going to say a couple of nights ago, the majority of last night was spent rehearsing his speech but he could never bring himself to finish it; he'd break down into tears after the first line. Thinking about Jess and the awful life she had, broke him; she was unhappy, depressed, even. She took her life, and he and Louise had to live with that guilt for the rest of theirs, they were to blame, there was no denying it, everyone at the funeral would be thinking the same thing; pointing fingers, making accusations, blaming them.

Gene was up and dressed for seven O'clock, dressed in a white shirt and red tie. Louise and himself had agreed that they didn't want everyone dressed in black and white, making the atmosphere far more dreary than it already would be. No, everyone would dress in colourful clothes; this was a child's funeral. Jess would always wear the brightest clothes, yellows, oranges, purples; she wouldn't want everyone dressed in black and white, looking dull and lifeless. A funeral was a place to remember the person, and the life they had; but nobody wanted to remember the life that Jess had; the horrible truth that lied beneath. It was going to be a tough time for the family, everyone now knew what happened behind closed doors; the unimaginable trauma that Jess had been through; the trauma that had led to this day. Gene sat at the table, eyes drifting carefully out of focus as his coffee went cold, he was surrounded by people who cared about him but he couldn't help but feel alone. No matter how many times Alex had told him otherwise, he still felt as though he was to blame, and he knew this feeling would never go away. No amount of psychology could put this one right.

Gene heard the gentle padding of footsteps on the stairs, and a smile spread across his face as he realised who it was, Alex; his Alex. He told himself right away that she wasn't his; then again, she wasn't anyone else's, which meant that he might actually stand a chance. He knew deep down that he'd have to confess his feelings for her, and soon if he wanted anything to come of it. He knew from experience that intelligent, beautiful, women like Alex didn't stay single for long. He could never thank her enough for what she had done over the last few days. He knew that she was falling apart inside, that she was only putting on a brave face for his sake; she had stuck by him when he really needed her, she was his rock, and he knew now that without her; he'd be lost.

'Do you want another one?' His trail of thought was interrupted as he looked up to see Alex standing beside him, smiling down at him as she held his mug of cold coffee. She was wearing a red top that gave a glimpse of her bare shoulder, and a pair of her extremely skinny jeans; the ones that he could never understand how she managed to get in and out of. With great difficulty, he imagined.

Gene shook his gently, as she sat down beside him and took his hand in hers.

'We'll get through it together.' She whispered. They always had, Bolly and Gene; sticking by each other through thick and thin. Alex had never imagined how much of an importance Gene would become to her when she first found herself here, in 1981. They fought like cat and dog, and disagreed on almost everything but one thing was for sure, they would always be there for one another; no matter what the situation may be. She had wished that something more would have come of their relationship, but she couldn't work him out. Whenever she felt as though they were getting somewhere, becoming closer; he would surprise her and out of nowhere distance himself from her, not talking to her for days, sometimes weeks. Words can't describe Gene Hunt, or the way Alex feels about him, there is definitely a spark between them, chemistry, even; but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. She didn't have the courage to tell Gene how she really felt, she hoped that he had caught on last night, when she kissed him, but knowing Gene he probably didn't think anything of it.

Louise broke the silence when she walked in and announced that the hearse had arrived and that they were ready to go. Alex took Gene's arm in hers and walked out to find the street full of people, all there to commemorate his daughter. Gene's eyes began to fill with tears when he looked at the tiny coffin placed in the hearse, and the pink and white flowers spelling out 'Jessica'. Louise let out a loud cry as she began seating herself in the car, reluctantly; Gene put a caring arm around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. The whole scene made Alex want to burst into floods of tears but she knew for Gene's sake, she had to be strong. she'd promised him that she'd be there for him and she wasn't going to let him down.

* * *

As the car pulled up outside the funeral Gene took a deep breath, composing himself. He stepped out of the car and ambled past the crowds of people, as he looked at the people gathered there his eyes began to well up causing their faces to become distorted; producing only a blur of colours. He made his way inside, with Louise and Alex following closely behind as Vienna by Ultravox played; that song had been one of Jessica's favourites since it was released. The picture of Jess, which Louise and he had chosen not so long ago, was standing at the front for everyone to see.

After the singing of hymns, Tyler had said a few things and Louise had said her eulogy, talking about all the memories she and Jess had. Now It was Gene's turn, he had debated all day whether he was going to say what he had planned, and decided in the end not to; he knew that he would end up messing it up or saying something wrong, and Jess deserved the best. Instead he decided that he was going to read one of the poems he had found, that way he knew it would all make sense.

He stood up and made his way to the front, looking at all the sorrowful eyes staring back at him. He looked over at Alex, who had clearly been crying but was now giving a reassuring smile; urging him to go on.

'_I cannot say and will not say_

_That she is dead, she is just away._

_With a cheery smile and a wave of hand_

_She has wandered into an unknown land;_

_And left us dreaming how very fair_

_It needs must be, since she lingers there._

_And you-oh you, who the wildest yearn_

_From the old-time step and glad return-_

_Think of her faring on, as dear_

_In the love of there, as the love of here_

_Think of her still the same way, I say;_

_She is not dead, she is just away.'_

Gene felt that the poem really meant something, Jess may not be here with him physically but she will always be with him, in his heart and memories; she will always live there. She isn't away; not really. Gene sat himself back down between Alex and Louise as they sang the last hymn. As everyone sang, Gene slowly entwined his fingers with Alex's; this didn't go unnoticed by Louise, who smiled at the two of them, she knew all along that there was something more there.

As everyone began making their way out, Gene turned to Alex and placed a gentle kiss on her soft red lips. She smiled up at him; feeling like a schoolgirl all over again. Alex felt butterflies in her stomach; something she hadn't felt in a while. Things were finally looking up for her; maybe life in 1981 wasn't going to be too bad.

She began to follow Gene outside, when out of nowhere a pain surged through her head. She fell against the wooden post, trying to regain balance as she became dizzier and dizzier; she began to feel faint as her legs felt as though they could give way any minute. She was short of breath, and her sight had become distorted.

She fell to the floor on her knees, gasping for breath as the pain became more unbearable. What was happening? It was like she was dying, if that was possible for her to do, in this world.

She let out a loud shrilling scream, as Gene came running over to her; she lie there in a heap on the floor, tears falling freely down her face as he pulled her close to him.

The last thing she remembered was seeing Gene pleading for help, to anyone that could hear. He was crying, hugging her to him; she felt the warmth of his body against hers.

That's when she had blacked out.

* * *

'She's awake, she's okay!' Her eyes felt heavy as she tried to open them, she couldn't make out the muffled voice but whoever it was, seemed relieved.

She blinked hesitantly as the fluorescent hospital lights beamed on her face, blinding her. She attempted to sit up but her whole body ached, she felt like she was bruised all over. What had happened to her? Where was Gene? She closed her eyes, hoping that somehow; everything would become clear.

'Gen-' She struggled to speak, as a sharp pain ran through her whole body.

She felt a hand reach out and take hold of her arm. 'Gene, what happen-' She paused as she felt the hand let go, and opened her eyes slowly.

* * *

She was home.

It wasn't Gene sitting by her bedside, but Evan. She'd done it, she had woken up.

'Thank God you're awake, we were all so worried.' He spoke calmly; giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

The awful reality suddenly dawned on her; she would never see Gene again.

'Gene.' She whimpered as a tear fell down her cheek. Evan watched her carefully, not knowing what to say.

'You want the surgeon?' He asked with care.

Alex scolded at him 'No, I don't want the surgeon, I want Gene.' She felt herself becoming agitated so easily, she knew it wasn't Evan's fault. He didn't know who Gene was.

'I'll go get the surgeon.' Alex turned her head away from him, he didn't understand her. How could he? She didn't want the bloody surgeon, she wanted Gene; Gene Hunt, the Manc Lion. She sniffled to herself as she lie alone in the hospital room, everything felt so different now. The world she had just come from felt more really than this one, all this time she has been trying to find ways to get home, when really, she was already there.

Evan returned with the surgeon, they both looked at Alex carefully, before speaking.

'I'm Eugene Lake, your surgeon. I hear you were asking for me.' He smiled at her warmly, before proceeding to look through some of her files.

'No.' Alex shook her head in disbelief. 'No. You can't be-'

'I can't imagine what trauma you've been through, but you're awake now. You have your family and friends here for you. Everything's going to be okay.' He nodded at Evan, then made his way back down the corridor.

Alex buried her face in her pillow; her mind must have created a figment based on her surgeon and created a whole new persona, but she couldn't have, it all felt so real. The emotions she saw in Gene and Louise were real, she could never imagine something so devastating and detailed filled with so much hurt and grief. The feelings she had for Gene, they were real; she'd never felt like that before. She loved him and they were just getting somewhere with their relationship, she had been there for him, through the toughest moment of his life.

Now she had left him, with no one and nothing. He had lost his daughter and now her, he had no one to turn to at work; Chris and Ray were good friends to him, but she was the only one he could be open with.

She had lost him, the only person she had ever truly loved, without him by her side she didn't know what she would do.

She hoped that he wouldn't forget her, because she certainly wouldn't forget him. She knew that everything she did, and everything she felt in that world was real.

Nothing was more real than the feeling she had for Gene.

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**So, it's finally finished, again I apologise for how long it has taken me to get these updates published. Thank you to everyone who has followed, favourited, and reviewed this story I really appreciate it!**

**I've said it before and you all probably know this anyway, but I do not own Ashes to Ashes or the characters; everything belongs to BBC/Kudos. Also t****he poem used is 'Away' by James Whitcomb Riley.**

**Lifeinthe80s xx**


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